Some pathetic minion who will be eaten last seems to think that he is not going to take Me down to Bradford with nojay and amend_locke tomorrow morning. I have told him I do not devour musicians (except the odd filker, by accident) but he seems to think that I ought to travel with minion feorag.

He is also moaning about being granted the honour of bearing Me from the Hilton to the convention hotel, saying that I am "bulky" (is he calling Me fat?) Special minion desperence will not be there, either. Do I have any minions staying at that hotel who would take on the great honour, at least until feorag shows up on Saturday.

Au revoir xnamkrad, until the stars are Right.

I am in London for a weekend of relaxation, and no science fiction conventions. I am currently at clanwilliam's place, where I was greeted properly. There are other instances of Me here. I think We will have fun over the weekend.

I see that two minions, who will be eaten slightly sooner, have noticed that the latest selection of v-gifts include a special one clearly intended for the honouring of Me -- a brain, in a jar!

I approve.

I notice also many of My most faithful minions expressing their disapproval of the commercial-advertising v-gifts. As I have mentioned before, it is My job to upset My minions and so the human(s) responisble for thinking of those will be eaten slightly later.

There will also be many opportunities for My Japanese minions to honour Me, as I will be heading in that direction in just over a week. feorag has informed Me that I will be a "babe magnet", which I do not understand. She says it approvingly, but I know she is not fond of children, and the last time I met a baby minion, it grabbed My tentacles quite hard.

The minions are flapping around getting ready to head south to Chester tomorrow. I am already prepared, as all I need to bring is Myself. I am not on any programme items this time, mostly because there are no programme items which demand My eldritch presence. I will instead attend My minions' items and try to put them off, in-between brains, of course. If you see Me, I will gladly receive your adulation, worship and tickling under My tentacles.

feorag says that I will like Chester as it is multidimensional.

I am getting more comment spam than comments, and it seems that some of it is for a film about a bunch of ancient soldiers with more balls than brains. The last time this was done, it was for The Passion of the Christ, and we know what a load of rubbish that was.

I am fed up with having to get My minions to delete the spam and report it, that I have decided to accept comments only from registered users. I am afraid[*] that this means purplecthulhu will have to remember to log in.

[*] not really. It is a figure of speech.

Some extremely unwise persons have tried to comment spam My LJ! They will be eaten considerably later than they would have been. I am slightly amused by the thought that one of them thought that I might be interesting in Christian dating. It might have been a typo, as the D and E keys are quite close.

I am posting this from Picocon at Imperial College, where autopope is a guest -- conventions invite him because they are too scared to invite Me, the real star, directly.

We did come down on the Caledonian Sleeper, which is not named properly because not even I could sleep on it. A minion once said that it has square wheels on one side, and triangular ones on the other. I went shopping in London yesterday. It is possible to get brain smoothies in Harrods, in the Cthulhu Requisites room. It is not marked on the maps of the store, but this is obviously not a problem for Me. If you are foolish to want to find it, I advise you to look at all the gaps in the plan of the basement.

It has been some time since I have updated this thing, which would be remiss of Me if such concepts applied to Me. I will just note that your puny time is different from My time. Anyway, minion feorag has left her MacBook just underneath My throne, so I have deigned to come down and honour you with My presence for a bit.

I have noticed the government petition site and am contemplating starting up some petitions. I will have to pop down to London and make sure that the government minions do not mistake My important requests as being jokes, as humans often do not understand the needs of Great Old Ones resident in this country. I am thinking about things like petitioning (you know, I do not like that word. I am not asking the Prime Minister, I am telling him what to do if he values what's left of his sanity. But I digress) for a brain bank to be set up for caring for Very Senior Citizens. The National ID Database needs to include information on whether I have eaten the individual concerned, of course, as you all look alike, and it is hard to keep track. I should be allowed to adopt children, and it is shocking that Lovecraftian Horrors have no protection against discrimination. I would be happy to take difficult-to-place children and I would look after them well (until the stars are right, or they are a nuisance to Me). Finally, I would like to discuss with Channel 4 executives a proposal to improve Big Brother, and its ratings, by changing what happens when someone is voted off the show. I believe this last thing is outside the government's remit, though. Maybe the Dutch government has a similar site?

jadeblood has posted a load of icons to hoivenicons, and a recent batch included one of Me, with some writer person whom they thought was the real star of the icon.

I am in the bar at Novacon with minions nojay and a_cubed. I can see many other minions, including purplecthulhu who is ignoring Me and talking to autopope. I will eat him slightly later. ½r did say that he had a T-shirt that would offend Me, but it turned out to be one of those encephloPod ones of which I approve.

I did eat the brains of the artist David Hardy, and nibbled on bugshaw and stevegreen.

I am now at Novacon, and have appropriated feorag's laptop for a few moments before getting some sleep, so I thought I'd better remind you that I am here and in need of worship.

I am in Dublin, being tended by minions slovobooks and epheriel and have found their computer. I am here with feorag for the funeral of davidstewart. His demise has shocked and upset many of My minions, and I Myself am quite sad to not be seeing him now until the stars are right as he was a very useful minion who (at least) once named his table quiz team in My honour, and promptly won. I am led to believe that this latter occurrence was not uncommon, but a god can think that He had something to do with it.

Yesterday, I was in Belfast with minions ianmcdonald and slimmeroftheyea which was a lot of fun. feorag tells Me she particularly enjoyed the Ukrainian weizenbier.

The Flybe cabin crew on the way to Belfast seemed to be trying to pretend I was not there, which was wise of them, and the check-in person had sensibly left the seat next to feorag vacant, obviously so I could have it for Myself. Also wise.

It appears that it is minion supergee's birthday, so it seems appropriate that Nice Distinctions 15 did arrive yesterday and that I should write about it today.

It is, as ever, a banquet of words leaving Me stuffed to bursting with words. There are the usual appetizers that I have already read on LJ, the reviews of books and obituaries of minions who have just made it slightly harder for Me to get into their brains. I did like that he had noticed that, on 6th June 2006, I had made the mortgage interest rate in the US 6.66%. It makes a deity want to do more of this sort of thing when Your efforts are noticed.

The cerveaux sautés avec des globes oculaires of this issue is the final long piece about avoiding killing other minions before the stars are right. It is all about his experience with something called VISTA, which was some kind of social service scheme which allowed him to avoid conscription during the Vietnam Disagreement. He does not, alas, describe what the scheme actually was, or who ran it, but the detail of the people he met there and the early examples of corporate bollocks were interesting. There is also a sex scandal, and you know I like sex scandals.

The wedding was most excellent, and during the "meeting for worship" I got some quiet time to contemplate Myself. I met another plushie there called Horsie, and we did chat for a bit.

After the evening do, we did go on to theauldhoose and Nicol Edwards and I did get in very late.

I am now very tired, and will sleep for a bit.

I have been invited to a wedding! In my own right, because some minions do not wish to be eaten last. It is later today in the Quaker Meeting House, which should be interesting. I have heard such places are frequently quiet enough to ensure a good nap. I do not have a kilt, due to several weavers going mad trying to produce Blasphemous Tartan, but I am sure this will not be a problem.

I am going to theauldhoose now, where I expect to find adoring minions.

I was snoozing and feorag did wake Me to show Me something. It was clearly in My honour, so I am not displeased. The rest of you should pay attention to the works of redwolfoz, who has honoured Me in a most clever way.